We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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