last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
