shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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