I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
