I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
