i permit you to call me
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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