she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
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He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
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He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize