Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
