we have officially lost it.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
