I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
