He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
