So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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