my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
