Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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