How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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