My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So much rum. So many feels.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
