is your mom at the bar?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
