Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
