I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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