He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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