I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
