ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
