We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
