It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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