Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
