I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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