I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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