He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize