I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We left an ass print on the piano.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
