You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
