Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
