just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
zippers are such a cool invention
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
