I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
