Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
