I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
