Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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