Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
