Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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