Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
