Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
