I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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