shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
