So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
