I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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