Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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