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• (650): View more from California

  Get your hand out of your ass!

  (734): View more from Michigan

  how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?

  (650): View more from California

  In your belly button

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'

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• (585): View more from New York

  you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.

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• (606): View more from Kentucky

  Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.

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• (415): View more from California

  The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.

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• (772): View more from Florida

  So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy

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• (269): View more from Michigan

  We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash

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• (858): View more from California

  The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.

  (1-856): View more from New Jersey

  I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?

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• (437): View more from

  how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.

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