mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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