I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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