I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
