wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
