A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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