I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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