dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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