Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
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