If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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