I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize