I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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