You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
