Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize