someone threw a dead crab at me
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
