my mouth tastes like poor choices
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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