That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
