Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
