If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
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He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
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Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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