Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
