Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
