considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
