all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
