I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
