He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
