There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
