She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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