I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
