she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
